Saturday 24 September 2011

休息

因为下乡团,已经一个月没回家了。
好累好累.....脸上长满豆豆,就连他都出声说了。老天啊~


下乡团压力?我又不认为。做很多东西,这我还得不能不承认。
两个多月以来,一个礼拜有三天早出晚归。
回到宿舍,还要做下乡的东西。做得不好,又要被人讲。
我那组做的事物,我敢说,我们是从头忙到尾!
筹备时,某些人又把私人情绪带进来,不然就带出去。
拜托,活动一结束了,你就应该抽离角色,不要带着你在下乡的身份,事物,情绪出去!
不然,你不觉得很累吗?
终于,终于在上个礼拜我们到柔佛下乡了,我并没有抱着任何的期待感。 
下到乡,突发状况很多。辛苦的是团长。老实说,她牺牲了很多,不过,也算是给自己很好的学习机会。虽然我知道的不多,但还是想说声:辛苦咯!
我下到乡,我一点也不享受。每天超过十二小时是在对着壁画。
画,一直画,从头画到尾。
当初不是已经投票不要的嘛?! 为什么还有的呢!?校方已经说过了,不想我们什么活动都没有参与,一直对着壁画!结果呢?


我知道我是怎样的。到了半夜,她们还在画!速度呢?比乌龟还要慢!颜色那些不是早就应该来前就准备好了吗?为什么到了那里,还要一直拖时间,就连细节的颜色都要想久久!组员好像在那里画油画似的!
大家在那边,劳师动众!但效果画出来,并没有我想象来得好。
壁画的颜色又出问题!花了好多的钱买颜料,用的却是那么一点点!
我忍!来前,什么都不和我讨论!图案!颜料!一团糟!没有一个事前找我讨论,到了最后,我什么都不知!
还是一个字:忍!
算了。画到半夜,我选择了去睡觉。我不熬夜了。我并不认为自己对不起大家。
那又怎样?牺牲够多了,什么也没换来。有,换来的却是我牺牲了整个参与活动的时间。很累,累到我自己忍无可忍,自己跑去厕所拼命哭。我不能在大众面前哭,我知道大家都是在搏杀着...不能给别人添麻烦,大家已经够累了。心里很矛盾....我期望他会来给予我支持,可是,人影也不见。四天三夜的行程,我对的就只是壁画!
我知道我自己的缺点在哪里。是,我这个人做每样事都很有热忱,但,每当我遇到麻烦或困难时我就选择逃避,或者是放弃。期望我能改掉。
算了....
唬!没什么想说了。不过,心里现在是舒服了很多。




我要休息。回到家了。心里真的有说不出的感动和放松。
妈妈准备了好多好吃的给我。睡觉,我尽力地睡够够!


可是,哪能一辈子都粘着家的,虽然我很愿意。所以惟有在外累了,就要回家,自己的避风港。一个无论你是怎样的人,错得再离谱,他们都依然爱你,接受你的地方。
我爱家。
I love my home! 


Thursday 1 September 2011

Fallen

Actually, im doing my Malaysian Studies revision.
But, I duno why im here (Speechless*) and duno why im so lazy to do my things and duno why AGAIN im so damn EMO right now. 
I on my FB everyday, but this make me even sad.Feel so alone although i can see lots of people are online-ing. Doesn't make sense right?
Nobody accompany you when you feel alone or sad is SUCK!
Never mind,the worst thing now is they are having their happy moment together while you are alone here and nobody even bother about you and this is effing annoying!!!  
*Fuck yourself please...

Well,i know i shouldn't feel like this. Wasting my time right? I know!! I know!! But how? I HATE this kind of feeling. HATE IT!  
What do you mean by friend? huh?! Looking for some helps from them and i get NONE?!  Or am i too serious or too stupid to ask from them? 
Ok, then tell me when you wanna get some helps from me, did i reject you before??!
Gotta learn how to not being a fool at here, i mean among the friends.
Who am i for you, FRIEND?? Say it out loud now!! I wanna hear your answer! SAY IT!!STUPID!!

Ok, home is the most sweetest and lovely place for me!! I swear! 
Better than friends out there! I can say everything i want, do what i want, except for saying my babe's things out~
They'll accompany me, care about me when im back. Yar, love them. 
I should learn this from the start. 



Hmm.. Tat's all for today! Have a niceee day~ Cheeesseee 
**
Feel lil bit happier now. Gonna have my sleep now. 
Good night world, good night babe.









Fallen: What if the person you were meant to be with could never be yours?